I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
