Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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