Whod you bang
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
ok first of all what the fuck
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