CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
