And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
