so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
