i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
