dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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