Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
