Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
