Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
