he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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