I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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