Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
