those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
