How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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