Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
