i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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