Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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