dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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