He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
