her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
this is an emotional support booty call
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
