Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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