why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
