I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
