honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
