totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize