I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
