dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
