i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
