It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
