Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
