And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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