My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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