Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
