theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
