Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
