I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
