lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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