I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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