Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
