Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
