Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
