So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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