so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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