I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
