Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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