He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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