Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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