If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
