I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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