You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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