I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
