it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
