You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
