I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My dick has a subreddit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
