dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize