between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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