Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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