this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
