Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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