I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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