The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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