remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
