just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
