it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
