i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
