saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
