His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
