If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
