im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
