well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
