Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
