all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
