If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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