Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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