i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The power of my boobs compel you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
