Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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