im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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