I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
